The verb tense used to describe a problem has an effect on how one subjectively perceives the problem. This was described in Patterns of the Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H. Erickson, M.D, Vol. 1 by Richard Bandler and John Grinder.
As an example when a person says “I am worried.” it has a different feeling than saying “I have felt worry.”
Note the difference feeling as you say each of following statements.
- “I’m worry.” (present tense)
- “I’m feeling worry.” (present tense)
- “I was worrying.”
- “I’ve been worrying.”
- “I was worrying.”
- “I was worried.”
- “I have felt worried.”
- “I remember worrying.”
- “I remember having been worried.
The process works best on emotions than on behaviors. Behaviors can be changed with this process as long as the focus is on the automatic emotional responses that trigger the behavior.
This works best when there are two clearly recognized states/emotions to use, one state is unwanted and is to be removed, the other is to go in it’s place.
The controller begins by asking about the old state or emotion and then over the course of conversation begin to discuss it ONLY in the past tense getting acknowledgement from the subject. This unconsciously moves the state/emotion to the past and begins to make it only something the subject “used to do”.
The questions may sound like this
- “So, you have had, worry. Right?”
- “And having had worry, you remember what that used to be like.”
- “And so it’s it’s true you used to worry.”
- “Okay, remembering how that used to be, it doesn’t feel as close as it had been, doesn’t it?”
Leading the conversation like this by phrasing the old state/emotion in the past tense enough times (three to five such statements will usually be enough) the subject will begin to perceive it only as a past event/state/emotion and not something they do in the present.
Then you gracefully introduce the new state. Let’s suppose the subject tells you that a better state that worry is what she/he refers to as “grace”. (Note, in this case it’s not important to know what “grace” means to the subject because the subject suggested it and they know what it means.)
“Having had remembered what worry used to be like, you now also what it’s like to feel grace, don’t you? Can you tell me what that grace feels like as you’re feeling it, now?”
“And feeling now that grace do you notice what it’s like when you’re feeling it when you only used to feel worry?’
This following phrase is attributed to Richard Bandler that is a used to lock in the change.
“What would it be like, at the time in the future… right now… when you’re in a situation that you used to have felt worry, but now you have that sense of grace. That’s got to feel pretty good, doesn’t it?”
The deeper analysis of the sentence is as follows: “What would it be like at that time in the future… Using “would” means it is all hypothetical. “…right now…” this puts the listener into that future event in real time. “when you’re in a situation what you used to have felt worry,” The behavior of worry is something they no longer do. “…but now you have that sense of grace…” The work “now” has them experience the new response. “That got to feel pretty good, doesn’t it.” The tag question gets to agree and the agreement seals the change into place.
